I Coulda Been Somebody

A few months ago I was thinking about how we only celebrate the big successes we have in our lives, but to me, the true success is the will to do the daily tasks that get us to where we want to go. Every time we get up in the morning, the effort that goes into getting prepared for the day, thinking about what food and where we'll eat, these aren't always so easy to do and the fact that we have the will to achieve these small tasks day in and day out in order to ensure a healthy life, or life at all for that matter, should be something that we can be proud of. Maybe I just think like that because I'm trying to console myself for not having achieved much in my twenty-four years of life, so I'm simply proud of the fact that I'm still around. Sue me.

Joking aside, sometimes I really think I know how I define success. It seems simple and so easy to attain. It's about finding peace within myself, regardless of my situation or the obstacles I face. It's the ability to genuinely smile during a day when nothing has gone right, and I've had phases when that's happened so I know that that's possible. But at times I tend to get confused because expectations get in the way, and that can include my own dreams and aspirations. To quote Terry Malloy from the film On the Waterfront (1954), ever since I was a kid I always had this feeling that "I coulda been somebody instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it." That's exactly how I feel and I'm sure many people will understand because, at the end of the day, everyone wants to be "somebody"; they want to leave some kind of footprint behind. It makes you wonder why that is so important? I tend to think that perhaps we're all playing a big joke on ourselves and it isn't meant to be so complicated. Maybe it's not important to be "somebody" as it is to simply "be."

Convenient that my initials are B.E. Perhaps that's my legacy: Banafshe Eshragi, the girl who learned how to be.