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Sunday, 5 May 2013

Doubt, just F-off!

Unfortunately the article I was working on for the kid's magazine got rejected or "pulled" to put it more politely. There's nothing like being rejected politely. There's a proverb in Farsi that's along the lines of "cut their heads off with cotton", which essentially means to stab someone ten times, for example, but to do it while you're laughing and massaging them so that they don't feel it. Wait, I'm sure that job already exists and they call themselves acupuncturists. No offence to acupuncturists, I'm sure you're lovely people...who cut people's heads off with cotton ...bastards. Okay okay, back to being rejected: I don't want to be dramatic about the whole thing because I know that these things happen. Sometimes it's not what they're looking for or the final edit doesn't happen in time to be published.

It's still very disappointing in that moment, but it's important to keep the same pace and just continue on. I've come to realize that I give up too fast. I've been spending my life waiting for the answers to jump out at me, but I haven't made much effort finding them, and I know that because I haven't been rejected enough. You know you're doing the best you can when you have a few doors closed on you. I've been so afraid of being told that I'm not good enough, that I've never really put myself out there to be in a vulnerable position. What kind of a life is that? Too mellow for my liking. Too safe.

There's another issue: reality checks. How often do we really go looking for them? I know I don't, but I also know that sometimes it's necessary. It's good to have someone tell you that you didn't do it right. It's even good to have someone tell you that you absolutely suck because it'll get you thinking. Either you get to a point where you honestly confess that maybe what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted, or you say "fuck you" to the doubt that you have, and find a way to make it work. I haven't decided where I stand with that fork in the road yet. Still in the middle, as I always am with everything, and still waiting to take my next step.


I realize there is no fork in the road, but it's a road and it kind of works with my metaphor so cut me some slack.